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I Literally Don’t Know


TL;DR: You don’t need to pick my brain, or probably anyone’s brain, for general life advice. It won’t help.

When people ask me for life advice, I almost never know what to say. The list of things I do know is much shorter than the list of things I don’t know, and one thing I definitely don’t know is what other people should do with their lives. And so, when I receive an email from someone asking:

  • If [X] company is good, and if they should work there
  • If [Y] person is good, and if they should work with them
  • If I could jump on a call with them so they can pick my brain because they are figuring out what to do with their life

Well, I often wish I could reply with the title of this essay. [0]

I don’t know where you should work. I don’t know which companies are good or not, because I don’t know what ‘good company’ means to you. If it’s helpful, I personally would not work at 99.99% of companies. I don’t know which people are good because I have not worked with most people. If it’s helpful, I personally would not vouch for 99.99% of people.

I don’t know what your life purpose should be. Or what books you should read. Or who you should talk to. Or which podcasts you should listen to. Or whether you should drop out of school. Picking my brain isn’t going to help. Because I just don’t know!

It’s not that I’m too busy or too smart to give you answers. I don’t want to snub you. In fact I love getting interesting emails from strangers, and I always respond. But if what you want is general life advice, I just don’t know.

Why don’t I know? The below may read as pretty obvious, but you’d be surprised!

For one, I don’t know you. I could read about you on the internet. We could have a phone call. I could spend a whole weekend with you and, even then, I would not know what you should do with your life.

Perhaps the only recommendation I could give you—the only thing I believe I know you should do—is you should try to think for yourself. Because you are the person who has to deal with the consequences of your decisions.

I doubt you even need my thoughts, anyway. [1] If we got on a call together and you asked me for life advice, I might ask you “Why?” ten times. I might ask “Could you try harder?” And that would be my most useful contribution. I also doubt you need a mentor, or a coach, or networking happy hours and brain-picking sessions with other people. Most of that stuff is marketing for other motives.

All you need, truly, is yourself. If thinking through things in your head is hard, you could grab a sheet of paper. Try writing out your thought process. See if it makes sense. Look in a mirror. Go on a long walk.

This might apply to anyone you ask for general life advice, not just to me. Be wary if you meet someone who claims to know what you should do. There are a lot of those people: ask 100 random people you find on LinkedIn for advice and some of them might respond. They might tell you something definite, like that you need to work in X industry for Y number of years before doing Z thing. Maybe that advice would be incrementally helpful. Or maybe it’d send you careening down the wrong path. I don’t know. [2]

Life, and decisions about it, can be hard. It’s tempting to ask other people to help you make those decisions. But the next time you feel that urge, remind yourself of one thing: they probably don’t know. I know I certainly don’t.

If you agree with this essay and are uncertain about what to say in an email to a stranger, here are some ideas for other things you could ask. 

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[0] I could, but it might make people feel bad. And I’d rather not make people feel bad for emailing me. I’m grateful that people think I might be able to offer good thoughts.

[1] But if you wanted them you could start by reading the other essays on this website.

[2] It’s possible you know that I (and other people) don’t know, but you’d still like to email to ask for my opinion. That’s fine and I’m happy to provide it. You may not find my opinion very useful, though, for all of the reasons in this essay.



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